


Under Her Skin

by ErrolsFeather



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 06:36:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13698900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErrolsFeather/pseuds/ErrolsFeather
Summary: In the aftermath of episode 15x01 Olivia is home with Brain trying to get the feeling of Lewis and what he did to her off her.





	Under Her Skin

**Author's Note:**

> After episode 15x01 , Surrender Benson.   
> I have seen this episode many times, I always wanted to do something in the aftermath. It ended up being this. I feel so much for Olivia in that particular episode.

**_Under her skin_ **

As Olivia Benson’s dark hair fell to the bathroom floor in Brain Cassidy’s apartment, she couldn’t help but to feel anything but tainted. She had felt it hours earlier walking out of the SVU headquarter. All eyes on her, as if she was a victim, no one knowing what to say, what to think of the situation.

How could she had been so unprepared for William Lewis being in her apartment. She should have known he would at least try to break in there. She should have known that since he was a free man, she would be the first person he would visit. No visit wasn’t the right word, come after was more like it. She would always blame herself for putting her gun down, so he could get a hold of it.

Her own gun, for her own protection, the gun he had used against her for more hours than she cared to count. He had literally raped her mouth with it, have her begging for her life. She had done something she swore she would never do, degraded herself to plead for her life. Telling him she would do anything as long as she let her go. Letting herself become the victim and having him have all the control that very moment.

She had felt scared, degraded, and frustrated. Just wanting it to be over, already seeing him torturing others on their way to that hell house, seeing him shoot a fellow officer that stopped them and wanted to look in the back. She couldn’t even stop that, bound and gagged in the back of a stolen car.

She remembered every touch, ever hit, wondering if she would ever feel clean again. Right now she wouldn’t even let her own boyfriend Brain sleep with her. Sleep with was the wrong word, because they did share bed now, she couldn’t be home, she just couldn’t, it was too hard, the memories. The place she should have been safe, the place where she should have been in charge, he had violated it as much as he had violated her.

He hadn’t raped her body, what he did was worse, he had literally raped her mind, and the worst part was that the images of what he did, what he she had let herself do, was there playing over and over.

Every blow to him with the pipe she didn’t have to do, he was already incapacitated, but she couldn’t let him get away, not after what he had done, she just couldn’t. His taunting words, her rage, it got the better of her.

She didn’t even know what was worse that he hadn’t died, or that he had lived, after what he had done to her.

“Olivia, are you alright in there?” Brain’s worried voice sounded from the outside of the bathroom door.

How long had she been in there now? Five minutes, ten, twenty, thirty. She didn’t know. Just like she didn’t know how long she had been with Lewis, because he had drugged her and dragged her around like a ragdoll, pushing her, hitting her, being amused by her helplessness.

“I am alright, I will be right out, handsome,” her tone was casual, even a little flat, showing no emotion, none at all. She had though, emotion left for her boyfriend, knowing she loved him, that the thought of him had made her battle for her life, when she was held captive. She needed to live to get back to him, to not let Lewis win. She didn’t know then, what she knew now, that she had already lost the battle.

The way she had let him take control, telling her what to do, not being able to help the victims, that had been tormented on the way. A hand going to her mouth, a mouth that had tasted the cold steel from her gun. A tear running down her face, as she had wished that he would just blow her head off right then. To get it over with, all was better than that, this…

“Liv?” she heard his voice outside, knowing he was still standing there, worried. She heard from Amaro that he had to be restrained when they were looking for her. Her strong hero, if it hadn’t been for him she would most likely be drinking to forget right now.

Another tear as she swallowed, a hand going to open the lock on the door, letting him see her as she felt, naked, with shorter hair. He let the shock fade fast, pulling her into his arms, his strong, protective arms. She again let her guard down as she trusted him. She cried against her shoulder, knowing it wouldn’t make her seem weak to him, only in her own eyes.

“I got you,” he whispered, pressing kisses into her dark strands. She knew he would not let her go. She was safe now, still she didn’t feel completely safe, knowing that Lewis still lived. Behind bars of course. Most likely for the rest of his life.

Right then she pushed Lewis away, because he wasn’t worth a place in her mind, he wasn’t worth her time. At least not the one spent with Brain. She rose her head, looking into his kind, grey brown eyes.

She let her lips find his, kissing him gently, before saying, “So movie?”

“If you still want to, I get if you would just rest or do something else,” his voice was filled with the greatest of sympathy. Putting her needs before his own.

“I would like to see a movie, you pick,” she kissed his cheek.

“I can do that, that new cut, it suits you,” he said, not minding her hair short at all. It suited her, it was a good change he figured.

“Thank you, you find the movie and I will make popcorn?” she asked, her voice sounded a bit brighter now. She didn’t know what she would have done without him right then. Most likely gone more insane. At least he managed to get her to distance herself a bit from what had happened.

“Deal,” he said, letting her go, walking slowly towards the living room. She followed, taking a breath, before saying, “Brain?”

“Yes?” he asked as he turned to look upon his love, immediate worry in his kind eyes.

“I love you,” it came without warning, without thinking, because she wanted to say it, she needed to say it.

He went back and hugged her yet again, pressing a kiss against her forehead, “I love you too, Liv, I love you too.”

And just like that the person that had managed to violate her so, to get himself under her skin, was drifting a bit away. For a moment, if only for a short one, she could feel her heart beat fast, but this time not with fear, but love. Because she knew what he said, what he confirmed was true, he did love her. And right now, after her act of trying to change to get Lewis off her, that was what she needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, feedback is always appreciated :o)


End file.
